Gunnar and co. sailed right past the little fishing village of Copenhagen to Hedeby, the seat of King Harald Bluetooth. Said king had been following Gunnar’s exploits on the news, and no sooner did the fleet land than Harald sent him a pairing request.
When Gunnar arrived, the king first put him in the seat of honour, and then put him through his paces. Gunnar won a triathlon, broke various world records, received that year’s ‘Mr. Scandinavia’ crown, and even went away with the ‘Best Sportsman’ ribbon.
“Well, that’s the last of my champions,” sighed King Harald, as two servants helped an injured wrestler limp away. Gunnar shook his hair out and smiled.
“Want a job?” offered the king. “And a wife, and huge tracts of land. Yadda, yadda.”
“Nah,” said Gunnar. “I was actually on my way home.”
“Then we’ll never see you again.” Harald wiped away a tear.
“That’s fate for you, highness,” shrugged Gunnar. “Cheer up, I have a spare pirate ship just for you!”
“Nice,” said the king, perking up. “I have for you, er, a new wardrobe.” That wardrobe consisted of some nice robes, gloves with built-in gold brass knuckles, a gold workout headband, and an enormous furry ushanka. Gunnar put all of them on, blew a kiss to King Harald, and sailed right back to Norway.
“Hey Olvir!” he cried, bursting in the door. “Boy, do I have a return on your investment!” He gestured to the river, which was choked with pirate ships.
“You’re a great guy,” said Olvir, his irises melting, reddening, and reshaping themselves into into hearts. “Want to stay at my place for a while?”
“Or I could introduce you to the Earl,” Hallvard counteroffered.
“You know what,” said Gunnar to Hallvard. “I think I’m ready for that now. Before, I hadn’t gotten a good workout, but now? I think I’m ready to impress a king. Whatshisface, Hamlet, was a practice run, and that went amazing.”
“Ha-ha,” said Hallvard, sticking his tongue out at Olvir.
They paddled north to Trondheim that winter, and Earl Hakon was indeed impressed. He gave Gunnar a gold friendship bracelet for Yule, and soon Gunnar and his daughter Bergljot were mid-whirlwind romance, with the Earl’s full support. But, for some reason, Gunnar never got round to proposing.
Saxo Dramaticus 